he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
