He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
