She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
