shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize