hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
