This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
