Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize