So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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