Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize