Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
