I am in a vortex of obligation.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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