Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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