all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
