just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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