It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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