i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
