First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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