i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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