I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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