I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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