Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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