I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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