I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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