Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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