just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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