he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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