the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you would pick up someone in the library
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
