I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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