Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
