Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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