1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
