i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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