Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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