Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
