Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
