I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
