omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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