The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
