so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
