Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
