I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
