you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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