I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
