She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
