SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
