i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
