Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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