wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
