The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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