Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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