i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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