you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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