last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
