I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
someone owes me an orgasm
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
a search helicopter?!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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