I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
