do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
