have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
