sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
