Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize