why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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