Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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