I just pynch a tree in the face
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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