I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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