I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.