He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
