for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.