"it" just moved
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.